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It's okay to mourn the person that you used to be. It's okay to be sad about who you could have become.
You're so used to hiding your pain and your tears so as to not inconvenience anyone that when you hear other people complaining that they're burnt out, it sounds more like a challenge instead of a plea for help and having the most fucked up life has become a contest to win. People with the most deep-seated childhood trauma rank in the top five, and people with the least number of panic attacks and nervous breakdowns come in last.
But there is nothing wrong with vulnerability, and abuse is not a prize to be won. Learn to be more empathetic, and realize that being unwavering is not strength; resilience is.
You're so used to following the rules that you have forgotten what it felt like to freely decide on your own. The rigidity of the social structure you're in has molded you, and you have forgotten who you are outside of your academic accolades and your work progress reports.
Stand still. Stay there for a bit, and soak up in the sun. Own up to who you actually are. Embrace the curves of your own body and don't be afraid to do things you've always been wanting to try.
You're so used to being the mature, dependable one that you don't know whether being nice is a good thing despite the toll it's taking on you.
